Friday, April 29, 2011

The Duggars May or May not be Quiverfull but here's what I have to say

The blog, No Longer Quivering, is about one woman's desire to shed light on all things Quiverfull, as she was a member and now feels like she's escaped (the movement and lifestyle as a whole as well as the abuse often incurred). I found her when I was searching for stuff on if the Duggars ever went to Sight & Sound theaters. I did not find anything saying they had but did find a lot of criticism of their family and accusations that they are Quiverfull. That is not what I really want to talk about, though, because I have no information on that. What I wanted to speak on is that her website also has a poll asking the following question:

Do you personally know of a man who became a better husband as a result of his wife's submissive behavior?


There are 4,212 votes and 3,100 (about 74%) voted for that last choice.

I find that people who are outside of situations become increasingly angry, bitter and hostile in their ASSUMPTIONS based off of their own poor relationships and experiences. If a wife is submissive to her husband, she is not necessarily dumb, archaic or doing it simply to make him feel better and change for the better! Some do feel as if, that is their duty and if they follow in it, he has to follow suit...eventually. Yet, how about the fact that, just because one person is outside of their spousal role does not mean the other should change to suit them, neither to be submissive nor to dominate! If you want to be a submissive wife and your husband is a jerk, don't have a belief that changing yourself to meet them is any better than staying true to yourself and expecting them to change. And, don't judge submission as weakness. We all come in different personalities and therefore, have different ways of expressing ourselves in our marital relationships. What's respectful and respectable with your spouse can be unheard of and unacceptable to someone else. Submission looks different on every wife but if the Bible says its right, I believe that no matter what form its shaped in, it looks GOOD on every wife.
I, too, have seen many abusive and seemingly pointless marriage relationships that are just contradictions and an oxymoron where one person tolerates certain things from their spouse that they should not do and would not if they knew how to get away or if they believed they should leave. They waste years thinking they have to stick it out and submit but see no change. You did make vows but submit does not mean shut up and sit down and serve me out of obligation. It means to love and cherish and it means do not be a doormat but be willing to sacrifice when times come.

I agree with some of the comments on the poll, such as the one below, except that it takes the position of submission being synonymous with having low self-esteem! It reads:
A fourth option would have been nice. I've never seen it, and I don't believe it's possible for wifely submission to improve the husband, but I think it is possible for it not to destroy the relationship. My mom was all about wifely submission when I was young - little surprise, raised as she was with abuse and domination in everything. But my dad wouldn't have it. He let her know he needed her support, and her opinions, whether he agreed with them or not. What's a good submissive wife to do, when her husband wants her to speak her mind?!
My mom still defers to dad's opinion a lot, will second-guess herself, and constantly apologizes when things aren't perfect - to the point that it actually frustrates dad, because he's not expecting perfect. But she does make decisions, and do her own things, and enjoy herself without worrying if she's allowed to. My dad's a rare person, and he helped heal a lot of my mom's wounds from her childhood. I wish there were more people like him, and I hope I'm half as good as he is."


A little more that I found on my Duggar search was a blog post on Alternet. A clip of it reads:
““Our bodies are meant to be a living sacrifice,” write the Hesses. Or, as Mary Pride, in another of the movement’s founding texts, The Way Home: Beyond Feminism, Back to Reality, puts it, “My body is not my own.” This rebuttal of the feminist health text Our Bodies, Ourselves is deliberate.” (Joyce, Nation, p. 11).

Why is it that we do not know that the Bible said this way beforehand? Before any of these books were written and statements were made!

"I beseech you therefore,
brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living
sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the
renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and
acceptable, and perfect, will of God."
 wrote Paul in Romans 12.

On that note, I have one last statement based off of a silly comment I saw under on one of the posts I read that day. Here goes:

It's "funny" to me that people like to say that women in the adult film industry are strong and independent. Yeah, independent of smarts & a heart. Yeah, strong enough to not care when you rip theirs out. Ha, selfish jerks will look for any means to promote their selfish desires being fulfilled and not even see themselves for how silly they are! I don't want to sound arrogant but let me say, the two worlds we live in (physical/carnal and spiritual/heavenly) are never clearer to me than when you see respect for family and love being attacked versus respect for selfishness and illicit sex.

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